I've been there before. I know how does it feels like to be heartless, to have nothing able to break you apart. I know how does it feels like to be stubborn, to want everything to go on your way and never back down for anyone. I know how it feels like to do things against your conscience bcoz I love myself a lot, I love myself more than anyone in the world and my love is selfish.
No matter what, I'm always on the upper hand, the dominating party. I can easily say I don't care and mean it or drop people off my life easily without giving a single fuck and not regretting after that. The feeling of doing all these is great, it feels like I am invincible as if nothing can break me. I build my walls fucking high and make sure my heart made of steel.
I spent most of my life fighting for people that's close to me only simply bcoz they matters a lot. Though I always seems like I've tons of friends but to honest, no I don't. How many of them actually can sit down and talk to me? How many of them I actually willing to hang out with? I can count them within 2 hands and even deducting 3-4 of my fingers. I don't open myself up to everyone so to many, I've a very secretive personal life. I only showed my weakness to people that's close bcoz I trust them enough not to turn their back and attack me.
After years of being the dominating party, I finally become the losing one. I break my own walls instead of people trying their best to break it down. I rather lost to this someone special and not lose him. And for once I'm not heartless, I'm not stubborn and I've my conscience. For once, I love someone more than myself, I contribute selfless love instead of selfish love, I showed my weakness willingly, even giving up every single thing. And I even change myself for him
What changes me? It's him and love. So, goodbye to the selfish me.
