Tuesday, December 31

Goodbye 2013

 

The best damn thing that ever happened to me in my life, in my year 2013
 
So this is gonna be the end of 2013? It just feels like the start of it only. Entering the new phase of my life soon and I've decided to put down all the hatred and grudges I hold in the past. 5years of hating someone, it's really tormenting but still I hope that our path will never cross again cunt.

As usual, done nothing productive for the whole year and completed none of my resolution. It's gonna be 2014, I still don't know what to do with my life...  As usual, summing up my whole year with picture but a lil' different this year because it's in slide show form :-)

谢谢你们陪我走过的每一段路 谢谢你们一直留在我身边



Tuesday, December 24

This is how it feels like to be in love with bestfriend


Every girl's dream is to fall in love with someone who completely understand you, who know what you love/hate in their fingertips, someone who will be there for you all the times, someone you can act silly with and someone who loves you. They are none other than your bestfriend. And I'm in love with my bestfriend, B

Being in love with B, made me realized that no one in this world will ever understand me that much, no one in this world will pamper more and no one in this world will love me more than him. He understand me at the back of his fingertip. It's like whatever he say, he can expect what I'm going to reply next. Even though he has many female friends around him, (He has more female friends compare to me) I need to admit that I do get jealous and sometimes to the stage where I envy them. But every single time, the only thing I can do is to brush everything away and pretend it doesn't affects me.

Throughout the 7months though we had quite a number of downs, but we always manage to get back to each other at the end of the day. Each quarrel made me understand him more, get a little closer to him and each quarrel made him open up himself to me even more. Yes, we do began as bestfriend but there's still certain things that you will never see it in the bestfriend position.

We always tease each other, disturb each other, bully each other, he always make me sad (bcoz I always say he got a lot of dates) and we even call each other names but at the end of the day, we both know that we don't mean it at all. I still remember 2 years back I told him before "I get jealous of any girls around you even though we are just bestfriend" hehe. He always told me that he loves me unexpectedly and to me, it's sweet. I mean like, ya he always do thing out of my expectations. Sometimes he will even surprise me with my favourite snacks too!

To me, he's the center of my world, he's my everything and I can just give up every single thing just for him, just to make sure he's happy. He will always be there for me, even though he said he doesn't care or ask me deal with my own shit sometimes but he never fail to be by my side and sometimes listening to my long-winded stories. And there's nothing for me to keep from him or hide from him bcoz he's both my lover and bestfriend that's why I always share my most inner thoughts and feelings straight up with him or even when things happened.

I never see myself being together with B in the past not bcoz he's not good. It's bcoz he's too good and I used to have the mentality that "oh well, he's just a bestfriend and he will never fall for me" I've to admit I'm very afraid of losing B and I never feel so afraid, so scared in my life before bcoz if I lose B, I lost both of lover and my bestfriend.

So, I'm really thankful for having in my life despite y'know how hard I am to be with as a bestfriend yet now as a lover

"I will search for thousands of cities, ten thousands of lifetime just to be with you again"


希望

其实我是一个很简单的人 我的要求很简单,真的真的很简单。我不要一个很有钱 长得很好看还是很聪明的人。我只是要一个对我中心,对我中肯,疼我,宠我和爱我的人。我不需要你每一天都买贵重的礼物给我,我不需要你每一天带我去吃好的或者为了我放弃一切。我只是要做你生命中唯一爱的女人,你生命中唯一的女人。难道这些要求很高嘛,很多吗?

我很努力,真的真的很努力做你理想中的女人。但是不管我多么努力 我还是觉得不够好,不够多。你要的,我通通都给了你。你的要求,我通通都给你

可是你一点都不了解

Monday, December 23


Can't believe that holiday is coming to an end and I spend like most of it wasting away, rotting my life away at home. Though this gna be my last holiday before Intern commence, but I guess I made full use of it by doing something else. I know I'm kiasu or what but then I already prepared present for valentine day :-) 

2014 is coming and there's new resolution to be made as well as a lot of things to look forward to. I'm turning 20 in less than a month time and I can't deny age is catching up with me but I will always be forever 18, young at heart right? I'm not ready for adulthood, I'm not ready to take responsibilities in everything in my life and I'm not ready for everything. I still want to be like a child, not taking responsibility in everything...

Friday, December 20

Early x'mas


Friday night spent having dinner at B's house then to zouk and town to meet Chengyee and Albert. So the 3 of us, decided to be retarded and take photos around town with the x'mas decorations. Been like months since we last meet up with each other and I don't know why there's always so many nonsense for us to talk about. The few people that stayed in my life ever since secondary three and one of them used to be my enemy, I mean I'm her enemy and she treat me as a rival instead HAHAHA oh well, this story never get old








Thursday, December 19

怕的不是输了这场游戏 而是输掉你

I've been there before. I know how does it feels like to be heartless, to have nothing able to break you apart. I know how does it feels like to be stubborn, to want everything to go on your way and never back down for anyone. I know how it feels like to do things against your conscience bcoz I love myself a lot, I love myself more than anyone in the world and my love is selfish.

No matter what, I'm always on the upper hand, the dominating party. I can easily say I don't care and mean it or drop people off my life easily without giving a single fuck and not regretting after that. The feeling of doing all these is great, it feels like I am invincible as if nothing can break me. I build my walls fucking high and make sure my heart made of steel.

I spent most of my life fighting for people that's close to me only simply bcoz they matters a lot. Though I always seems like I've tons of friends but to honest, no I don't. How many of them actually can sit down and talk to me? How many of them I actually willing to hang out with? I can count them within 2 hands and even deducting 3-4 of my fingers. I don't open myself up to everyone so to many, I've a very secretive personal life. I only showed my weakness to people that's close bcoz I trust them enough not to turn their back and attack me.

After years of being the dominating party, I finally become the losing one. I break my own walls instead of people trying their best to break it down. I rather lost to this someone special and not lose him. And for once I'm not heartless, I'm not stubborn and I've my conscience. For once, I love someone more than myself, I contribute selfless love instead of selfish love, I showed my weakness willingly, even giving up every single thing. And I even change myself for him

What changes me? It's him and love. So, goodbye to the selfish me.

Saturday, December 14

Freedom


It's finally the end of term 1 which means the end of my common test too. Out of all the semester, I think this was one of my most hardworking one. The only thing I'm hoping for now will be passing all my papers so I don't have to study again for my retest. What I really hope will be I pass killer module :-)

Honestly, I hate holiday more than I hate school days bcoz every single day I'm gna wake up thinking what I should do and where I should go. It's really troublesome thinking about all these things bcoz I hate rotting at home. Oh well, at least I can repay all my sleep debt during the holiday and sadly, it's my last holiday before intern and FYP commence :-(

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Finally catch up my hk drama though it's been teary episodes but it taught me to spend time and treasure every single one by your side especially your loved ones. Life is very fragile, and nobody can predict the future. You may never know what will happen the next moment. Maybe one of your loved ones may be gone from this world or maybe one of them will have some illness.

If my days are numbered, I'm gna have a farewell party inviting all my loved ones and also to recall every single moment together with them. I hate goodbyes especially those that you will never get to say hello again.

Wednesday, December 11

Press on

It's finally midweek and it means 3 papers down! Never felt so disappointed while doing my paper in my poly life. This time round it's like giving free marks to the lecturer just bcoz I forget everything once I entered the exam hall and careless mistake of not reading the question properly :-( Studied 10hours straight yesterday doesn't help at all. Now I don't even feel like studying for my last paper... It's like the toughest paper ended and there's no more energy and motivation to study


So blessed that B came down to KAP to find me while I'm studying and he sit there do nothing. He really make me wonder how he can stand me when I'm so burdensome, so naggy and so retarded every single time but still really grateful that he stayed by my side no matter what happened

Sunday, December 1

Let it rain


Common test in like 2 days time and I swear I'm rotting my life away. Nom-ing on my b&j ice cream typing this post away. Spending my rare friday night at home alone doing nothing. Sometimes I'm asking myself what am I doing with my shitz and boring life. I really have no idea at all and I don't even know what I want to do after I graduate. 

I used to believe karma exist but I no longer do bcoz all the shit things that happened to me, I've never do it on someone else before. So why me... Is it I owe people too much in my past life that I'm here to repay all my debt? 

I'm not someone noble, I'm just a commoner. I'm just someone who's willing to do anything just for the person I love. I don't care how much it hurts me or how much it bothers me as long as he's happy I'm okay with it.

Sometimes I wish I can just kill myself, kill myself. If i ever get to choose, I want to be a guy in my next life and hope I will meet a stupid girl like me who's willing to do anything just for me. Sometimes I think being a guy is very bless. You can have all the attention from the girls, you can hurt every single one of them yet they still choose to stick by your side no matter how asshole you are. Though I sound very saddist right here or what but then it's all the fact... 

And this got to stap. I'd been buying pack every single day and back to menthol when I kicked the habit for 2 months. Nuuu, tell me I'm not that stress tell me I'm not that upset to even smoke that...

可不可以爱我多一点点 可不可以关心我多一点点 可不可以给我一点保障

Tuesday, November 26

This sem was totally different from the past few sem. I love spending every moment with B not bcoz I'm very clingy. It's bcoz other than spending time with him, the rest of my time deduct away my sleeping time, traveling time and food time, I spend it on studying. Spending time together with B help me to take away all the stress as well as the only period I'm not spending it with my books. :>

Common test coming up in 2 weeks time and I just screwed up my 20% test yesterday. I can never ever read lines plan or even drawing. What's wrong with me :-( Why the hardest paper have to be the first paper or even after 2-3 papers? There's not enough time to prepare for all the papers... Need a getaway, need some break time from all these studying. I need my holiday:-( Really really don't want to fail any module this sem...

Where's all my determination to quit smoking... Bored, smoke. Hungry, smoke. Tired, smoke. Happy, smoke. Sad, smoke. Drink, smoke. Club, smoke. Walk, smoke. Wait, smoke. Alone, smoke. Break, smoke. Study, smoke. Before break, smoke. After break, smoke. Talk, smoke; etc

Friday, November 22

I'm sick of pretending something I'm not. I'm sick of pretending I'm fine. I always think too highly of myself that I can handle every single thing but I was so wrong. I couldn't, I can't even save myself when the world came crumbling down. I succeed in convincing myself that I'm fine really but how long am I going to stay this way?

I'm not as strong as you think I am. I'm not as happy as you think I am. Sometimes I'm wondering whether if I really deserve to be so upset and why my world always crumble down. But that's my life, that's my fate that I can't escape right?

Too much thoughts that can't be convey into words and too much thoughts that I don't even have the guts to express myself.

I just want to drop everything and leave

Thursday, November 21

Losing grip

You can be reckless with my heart, you can wreck my heart, you can break everything I am. Go on and do whatever you want to my heart. I'm not hiding, I'm not escaping. Just here for you to tear me apart and break me. That's how much I love you that I'm willing to let you completely destroy me

Saturday, November 16

Fishing x Bedok Jetty

 
Yayz to Bedok Jetty for fishing! Caught a total of 8-9 mini ikans and in the end we donated it to the stray cat. At least it's better than our first failure woodlands fishing trip.

Looking at the planes flying by, it really make me wna travel to somewhere and settle down. Sometimes I just keep on wondering if there's anything left for me to stay here. Though yes, but then how long it gna keep me here? You are one of the reason that I'm staying bcoz I don't bear to be apart from you, I want to be next to you every single day. Not even a mile apart from you.

Friday, November 8

Sonar


Some chill night out with my cousins as well as Peiling &co. It's been really awhile since I saw my cousins but still, we always have never ending topic to talk about. :-)




Saturday, November 2

Foodie



Tried baking peanut butter cupcake with marshmallow frosting. It turn out gr8 though it's a lil salty. And thanks B for the mega pack of pepero just bcoz I don't bear to buy it for myself as well as I love it! 8)

Friday, November 1

Chapter 11



Time flies and it's already the end of 3rd week of school. So this had been a rough and hectic week for me. Internship gna start right after my majors for this sem. I choose Keppel, Jurong Shipyard as well as ST Marine for my intern. Hopefully I can get into any of this bcoz they are located in tuas. Imagine I'm posted to SMOE or Sembawang and everyday work start at 0730...

FYP gna start right after my intern which means there's no more long holiday for me. Nuuu, anyway bcoz of FYP grouping, there's some conflicts within everyone. Choosing of this major proj suck really. Hope all of this gna be over soon 

Happy 1st November!




Saturday, October 26

Zouk


Zouk tonight to celebrate Limxuan and Alvin birthday




Thursday, October 24

 

Collected my race pack for Nike We Run 2013 today and I h8 the shirt a lot bcoz it's a V neck shirt. Caught my eyes on Nike Free Flyknit but it's really expensive and it cost $259 :-( Anyone wna be kind soul and sponsor me the shoe? Hehe, quite excited for the 10km marathon but at the same time, I dread it... It's been real long since I ran 10km. Hopefully this weekends there's time for me to clock my 10km timing again :>

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I've come to a point whereby I don't give a shit to anything anymore. Every single thing just make me so tired... Never hated something so much before. Honestly, I'm better off alone than to be stuck somewhere I've to take what's thrown to me. I thought I'm able to handle everything but I was so wrong. I couldn't and the only thing I can do is to watch us completely fall apart, becoming strangers. The saddest thing, you don't even give a damn. I never like the idea of giving up on people but this time round, I've no choice but to give up on you. I surrender, I give up. I wish you well budz

Sunday, October 20

Saturday, October 19

Been long

It's been very very long since I'd a proper  post. It's been a week since school started and I guess I'm not used to it. I think I'm gna die this sem with all the calculations and drawing modules. Ah, the steps to being an engineer isn't easy after all.

A lot of them are going for intern this semester which left me alone in school :-( No more smoking kakis already, no more B as my study buddy bcoz he got no more exam. This sem gna be studying-alone sem:<

No longer that close with my classmates but still on talkable term. Things just got awkward, really really awkward between us. I want things to go back to normal, go back to the past. Is it still possible?

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If every single things I did does not change anything between us, I would rather give up and stop fighting. I'm so tired of fighting for our friendship when you don't give a shit at all. Yes I may look pathetic to you but no, you don't know how much this friendship mean to me. If our friendship can stop overnight, I really don't know what am I to you in the past, what you treat me as in the past



Thursday, October 17

Thursdate


Spending my 2nd day of school with B! Head all the way down to RWS to fetch him from work then had my gelato ofc! Sentosa made me wanna so halloween so badly... But I guess I'm missing it this year. Nevertheless, thank you for everything. My love for gelato will never be as strong as my love for chiu -*

Friday, October 11

Prawning



Instead of the usual drinking Friday night, we spent it at prawning. 3hours of prawning session and caught 28prawns in total. I rather do anything that's boring but with you around than to go somewhere fun and exciting without you by my side.

Thursday, October 10

Sea Aquarium


Belated birthdate with my cunt at Sentosa. Last minute decision to visit the aquarium, it's also our virgin trip and yes we do had a lot of fun instead disturbing the fishes. Day out with her never fail to fill with photos. Tried touching some of the sea creatures and the sea cucumber is really gross... Love the jellyfishes inside bloop bloop hehe