Inferior

Whenever I see pretty girls, I will feel extremely inferior. It's like whatever they dress, no matter how they make up they will still be pretty. Sometimes I wish I'm one of them... I find myself bad in everything and I can never do thing right or nice. I've a lot of flaws, I envy people who take nice pictures, envy people who look pretty, envy people who's rich, envy people who study well and envy people with good friends.

Friends? I'd learn not to trust people easily after all the shit incident I'd went through. It's like, wtf? I treated you so good, I trust you so much yet you turn your back and bite me. Sometimes I feel pathetic for you because you do all these shits just to bring me down and achieve what you want.

Anyway I think my body clock is really spoilt. I just took a short nap for about 1 hr and here I'm feeling so awake and I can't believe for the past few days, I only had a few hours of sleep. I think there's a very serious  problem with me...

K, shall stop being so emo. God made me who I am and gave me what I needed. I shouldn't be greedy after all right? :)

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So many things running through my mind and many thoughts that I can't pen it in words. Whatever had been happening for the past few days somehow taught me in life we have to ignore some people and fuck care some things if not you will be unhappy bottling up everything.

Was reading Naomi's blog post in the afternoon, some guys thing and this suddenly hit me. What's up with those egoistic guys nowadays when it's the 21st century. Your ego will not fill your stomach, your ego will not bring you higher but otherwise. This particular friend of mine, his ego is very high. I didn't say there's something wrong with high ego but there's definitely something wrong when you put your ego first in everything. This friend of mine, he's always pushing blames to his surrounding friends but never once he realised it's his mistakes. He's constantly thinking that he's the best and everyone own him. C'mon you need to do some reflection of yourself and change for the better if not everyone gonna leave you someday.

Some thing you just have to accept it whether you like it a not. Not everything will go in your way and not everything goes like your past because you are going through new culture. You think you deserve it but someone out there will definitely think you don't deserve it. So how? Just swallow it up and move on because this is the path you had chosen. Why think of it constantly and upset yourself every single time? I've been there, feel that that's why I just accept it because I know even if I make a fuse out of it, nothing will ever change. Piece of advice: just fuck it and move on.

Nobody can ruin your day except you

This is sex

This weekend, had been working for this Ferrari Club event. It's really an eye-opening experience! Through this few hours, I've learnt a lot of things in life. I normally heard people saying "It's not good working for the rich" and now I know exactly what does it mean. I don't know if I'm considered lucky not to be born in a filthy rich family because I wouldn't know what's manner. I'm so glad my parents taught me about manners.

I can't wait for BKK trip woohooo ~.~

Yanjun's 17th!

  Bugis for twelve cupcakes then Raffles City for Buffet Town! :> I love buffet because I can eat a lot of different food and food make me happy   

 

Wala Wala

Wala with mua secondary school friends and I can conclude it's awesome even though there's some misunderstanding happen. :-) Had graveyard and snowball as well as shots.

Y1S1

Results out and yes quite satisfised with my EDD results because I thought I will fail this module but in the end, I got a D. The most disappointing one was my Comiss. I don't know why I will get a C+... Sigh, overall results was quite okay and it's above my expectations. Well well, gonna work very hard for my sem 2 to pull up my cumulative results. Doubt I'm the worst in my class but I think there will be a lot >3. Had mini catch up with ma girls through whatsapp in da mornz. :>

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One of the reason I don't want to head back is because I know it's like very awkward. I miss you all but on the other hand, I know I'm never important in your life. We are from the same batch, we went through everything together but seems like you all are closer to her which is so disappointing. It's alright, I'm used to this kind of feelings. I feel so lousy, I feel so bad. How I wish time like that will come back even though I know it's never possible again. I'm not strong, I can't continue pretending nothing has ever happened before. I choose to escape.

Glimpse of hope

I guess I've to accept the fact that sometime no matter how well or good you treat someone, they will never treat you the same. Yes, I've that happening to me all the time from strangers to close friends. What disappoint me the most was my good friends backstab me too. Sometimes I just get too tired of treating people good because what I got back was otherwise. I hate the fact that some people treat me like shit, backstab me etc but when need something, they will think of me and I've to pretend that nothing had ever happen before. Thanks for training me that, now I'm good at pretending. No matter how much I tried, it's never good enough. I hate the fact that no matter how bad or how shitty one treated me, I will still treat them good. I just can't bring myself to treat people bad and shitty. I hate the fact that some people get close to me because of some motive. I hate the fact that people are trying to bring me down.

Poly life gave me a fresh start. At least I met people who's fun, loving and caring. People who make friend with me without any motive. People whom I can pour everything to without being judge or backstab as everyone is mature enough. People who don't think of bringing me down. Sometimes I don't get it what some people will benefits after bringing me down. I mean like, I don't have good fame or whatsoever there's no point bringing me down. Or maybe I should make a change... a change that start from me. I should start treating people bad in order for people to treat me good. HA HA HA joke, I don't even know how to treat someone bad. 

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Please, just spare me from these shit. Sometimes I'm wondering, does treating people bad will make them treat you good?

Finally the release of iPhone 5! Hiak hiak, can't take my eyes off this phone. The new iPhone is like so chio and it's lighter. Anyone kind soul wanna get this phone for me? ^_^

Laughing stock

Sometimes I will just think back, look at myself, laugh and tell myself "HAHAHAHA JOKE PLS" I miss spending time with you all, I miss times with you all, I miss gossiping with you all but it's a big motherfucking joke. Reason being you all don't feel the same and you all treat me like a thrash, a joke or worst, someone you think of when you need something. I'm feeling lost out of the sudden again. I thought I won't be feeling this upon graduation but hell no. I'm feeling this right naoz and the funniest thing was that it's always my close friends that's trying to bring my down. If you don't like me you can just fuck off from my life. Why be a hypocrite and stay over? You are making yourself and me a joke.

& I'm not born to please everyone and I'm not even born to please anyone. Thank god I've a few good friends hanging by my side even though we seldom talk. Y'know who y're and thank you for every single thing. ♥

I'm like any girls, I get jealous always I envy others because I know if I'm in that situation things will never be the same. I get jealous and kept on thinking we belong to the same clique but why does our birthday celebration defer... It's true that "things change but memories remain" I miss the 10 of us, I miss hanging out with you all every single day, going to recess with you all and spending most of my days with you all in school

Thoughts

Everyone in the clique keep on saying you have changed for the better but from what I see, it's otherwise. Remember we used to promise that no matter how happen we must be there for each other, lift each other up. But where are you now? It's like you literally left us. You are no longer there for us and we are not obligated to be there for you. Just because we are always there for you doesn't mean you can take us for granted. How I wish I can knock some sense into you. And you don't even know how anxious they are knowing about your break up and you, avoiding us.

I feel like a gullible kid, believing your retarded lies over and over again. They believed you had changed but I doubt so because I spent more time with you compare you spend with them. I keep on holding the hope that you will change for the better but you kept on proving me wrong. It's always jerks over bestflend. I'd enough disappointment from you but nevertheless, I didn't give up.

I've step out my first step, hoping you will held onto my hand while I try lifting you up but you brushed me off, brushed everyone off. You said we could call you out next time but when we really do, where are you? Having a good time out there with your friends. Have you ever think of us?

This is bullshit

Handle with care

I may seems that I don't give a fuck about anything but inside I'm like any other girls. Friends, love and family matters a lot to me. In the past, I always portray my strong side because I doesn't want anyone to see my weakest side. Not long later, I came to realize when you are strong for far too long, people will tend to think that you are always strong. In fact, I'm far from that. I guess after so long, it's still friendship that disappoint me a lot...