982days of love and counting
365days of memories
296days of Brendan
today is D-0, one of big day I marked in my life. it used to be our one year but now it's nothing. at the age of 20, I screwed up my entire life just bc of you. I lost myself completely ever since you left me and the worst thing, I watched you fell out of love with me the moment we ended and watch you fell for another girl. I see the way you looked at her, I envied her bc you used to look at me that way. I don't know what's worst, watching you fell out of love with me or watching you fall in love with her
I told myself after today, I will be the girl that carry a torch for you and see you with another girl and the girl who's gonna be your guardian angel. I tried so hard protecting you, helping you to keep your top notch reputation, pride and ego while on the other hand, you are busy pulling me down. why do you bear to do all these things to me? or this is your true colours that I had been avoiding all the times? My total image of you, my undying love and respect for you, all the memories of you and happiness that came from them, all the devotion I have for you... it has vanished.
Firstly, if you are in any doubt my love, then you should know that I loved you more than anything, you were my life, my love and my joy. Even just the sound of your voice could make me feel like I was floating amongst the stars, way up in the sky above the earth, somewhere we mortals don’t usually get to walk. You were my sunshine and my whole world. Every day you were in my life was a good day, and I’m endlessly grateful that you loved me.
I know I wasn’t fair, I know I should have done things differently, and I know you hate me for that. I also know that you can be pretty unforgiving, so I don’t hope, or expect that you will forgive me. I’ve spent every day since you left me just hoping you would call, or email or text, whilst knowing in my heart that you wouldn’t.
I’m not perfect, I never tried to pretend that I was, but I’m still the same person who loved you to distraction, who worried about you every single day you were away from me, who wrote long emails every day so that you had something to read and look forward to, and made sure that every time you could call I was there to talk to you, no matter what other things I had to do. You came first, you always did. Why can’t you see that I’m still that person?
I’ve prayed to a god who I don’t actually believe in that you would find a tiny corner of your heart that would forgive me. I know how stupid that sounds. I hope, one day, totally out of the blue, you will email me or send a text, just to let me know you are ok. Even if you don’t forgive me, just to hear from you would be more than I could hope for.
It has taken me 2months of self destruction to finally become fed up with you. My eyes are wide open, and suddenly I can see everything that I have ignored for so long. You have no place for me in your heart. You have no respect for me, not in the tiniest bit. If you did, then you would not treat me the way you do, you would not string me along and play with my emotions because you know that I will put up with it.
You know the never ending cycle; something you do or say upsets me, then I proceed to vent out my frustrations to you and threaten to move on. I never follow through with this threat, though, and then I eventually forgive you and come back. You know I will come back, so it doesn't mean a thing to you if you gamble with me and the existence I have in your life.
You mean everything to me, everything. Yet, I mean nothing to you. Tell me, if I meant anything to you, even my friendship, why do you disrespect me? Why do you continue to degrade me? What I have for you is very precious, and not everyone in this world can say that there is someone out there who sticks by them, through thick and thin.
I tell you that I will always love you, and no matter what that I will always be there for you. Even if I get mad, I will always be there. I even joke that if I were to ever get married, I would cheat on my husband just to be with you. I say that if you were to call me and I found out you were in the hospital, that I would rush over there immediately to be by your side
You know the never ending cycle; something you do or say upsets me, then I proceed to vent out my frustrations to you and threaten to move on. I never follow through with this threat, though, and then I eventually forgive you and come back. You know I will come back, so it doesn't mean a thing to you if you gamble with me and the existence I have in your life.
You mean everything to me, everything. Yet, I mean nothing to you. Tell me, if I meant anything to you, even my friendship, why do you disrespect me? Why do you continue to degrade me? What I have for you is very precious, and not everyone in this world can say that there is someone out there who sticks by them, through thick and thin.
I tell you that I will always love you, and no matter what that I will always be there for you. Even if I get mad, I will always be there. I even joke that if I were to ever get married, I would cheat on my husband just to be with you. I say that if you were to call me and I found out you were in the hospital, that I would rush over there immediately to be by your side
You killed the most precious thing in the world, and that is love, understanding, and devotion. You killed the girl who loved you so much who gave you the whole universe and the girl who lost herself while loving you
RIP to the Siqi that you used to know and RIP to the Brendan Ang I used to love. I'm loving someone who's dead, I'm loving the old Brendan that I know will never come back/ be alive anymore
Abandoning my past and pushing myself to move forward– without you. I’ll never forget you- although I wish I could. One last thing: Always remember me as the girl who loved you the most, who went through hell with you and gave you every single thing. I don’t know many things, but I am certain of one thing: No other woman will ever love you the way I did
Whatever happens, I wish you well. You truly do deserve the best that life has to offer you. Please know that I do love you, and a part of me always will. I will always have a soft spot for you and I will always take you back. You will always be irreplaceable.
