The thing is, “surviving” is not the same thing as “living.” I merely existed, if even that. I am exhausting myself and the people around me in my futile attempts to hold on to the very thing that I needed to lose in order to really start living. I needed to detach myself from everything, i needed to pick myself up and stop allowing emotions control me. I am stuck at the stage where i can neither move forward nor go back to you. This state of neither here nor there is paralyzing me with fear and sadness. I am so afraid, and so tired . Can you bring me back to you please? I have had enough, i dont want to go on like this
I am becoming the person i fear to turn back into. The me that i thought i buried well and would never resurface again. I am so afraid of what i am capable to do cause i know how bad things can get. I keep my fingers cross that this would be my bottom line and things doesnt get any worse, cause i know it just could
Why does everything feel so much like a long long dream. Like nothing actually did happen over the year, everything is so unreal. I cant tell if what i went through was just imaginary or did it really happened. I am still hurting but i cant tell how i was hurt. what i am sure of is that i didnt resist, i merely let it happen. And despite knowing the pain, i enjoyed myself
