to my readers or perhaps people that's listening to my voice, I'm sorry that I'd been ranting about my job offers more often bc I'm really fucked regarding this matter and there's no one else I can rant to except here bc every single one has been asking me to go... but then none of them know what's going thru my mind
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I don't know why up till this point I'm still thinking for you... I tell myself every single day I must think for myself and not you anymore bc I'm nobody to you that got the rights to do this
my future, my career should come before any other thing in life bc it's for myself but here I am thinking if I'm gone for 2years, will you be fine? will you live well? will there be anyone better than me to take care of you? argh you are FUCKING FINE right now without me but why am I still thinking for you when you don't even give a fuck about me
so finally I gave in, I agreed to go for the check up before I make my final decision on 19th may. if my check up fail, there's no more troubled thoughts about wanting to go a not but if it pass, the chances of me accepting the offer will be 90%. I don't know if I should pray for it to be a pass or fail as well. oh well, going for a check up doesn't kill right?
haiz monetary wise is tempting and all the conditions they gave is good or perhaps perfect(?) and I can retire at the age of 30, living a luxury life (good house, car, etc) with a degree and 5-6years of working experience... is this really what I want? or I don't? I want a family, I want to live a good life, I want to commit as well as commitment from someone... can I just have the best of every single world now?:(
too many factors, too many worries and that one and only person I cannot put down in Singapore. cracking my brain every single day for this shit decision omg why must they do this to me when I'm only 20.........
