D49: I miss you damn badly, more than ever:(

really fuck this "I miss you fucking badly and I want to hug you fucking badly" shit how am I suppose to walk away when this fucking strong urge is around? why am I still thinking of leaving you with the good memories while I'm the one who keep all the bad ones? why up to this point I'm still thinking for you..... I need to think for myself even more...... 

I don't know what hurts anymore bc I love you to the extent that nothing hurt anymore. I just wish everything will be over soon I just wish I'm ok but I'm so broken and so screwed up inside...... I need you so badly really...:( breaking down really really soon and I just can't help but to watch myself going to the self destruction path I just wish to have a relieve from everything

Brendan Ang, are you really that happy and satisfied with your life right now? I'm not happy at all every single day I'm just faking all my smiles and laughter. as long as you are happy then I will be fine...:(