"pain make me realized that I'm still alive"
waking up and realized I'm just another day to killing myself emotionally and mentally... 38 more days till the closure of my love towards you. why 38? it's the day we started
I finally see how ridiculous my love was towards you which I don't even think anyone in this universe able to give you. 真的是爱你爱的太深 太笨 I thought I'm very noble and generous until I wrote the letter for the lucky girl after me. I told her everything about my world, hoping that she will give him all the things I'm not able to. ask me why I do this? it's bc I want my whole world which is him to get the best of everything. even though I said before "I want you to be happy even if it's without me" but I came to realized that I can never bring myself to pen down "I'm happy for both of you and last long" yes I'm only happy for him that he found someone not like me, someone different from me.
I'm self destructing, I know it very well myself. I can't even be saved or should I say I don't even bother to save myself. every single day I'm just hoping for a relieve from my life. every single time I see you, I don't even have the courage to look at you bc I always got this urge to hug you but I know I'm in no position anymore
why do I feel that I'm slowly losing you even in my own memories? every single day you are just one step further away from me and whenever I try to grab your hand, you are always slipping away from me. best, can't you just be nicer to me and stay in it?
I'm happy, I'm laughing and smiling but am I really happy? no, never at all. I'm good at pretending, I'm good at convincing everyone. I lied, I lied that I'm over him, he doesn't affect me anymore but he affect me every single way and every single minute
I hate the fact that I can never bring myself to hate you after all the things you did to me and I still love you even more
