大年初一

20th Part II

First time spending my birthday in a club and I really had a great time last night! Happy to know all these bunch of people in my life :-) 

20th Part I

Had my first celebration with cousin as well as Freida in Sonar. It's our first time sitting on the sofa and truth to be told, I think I'm not suitable for sofa seats since it make me feel like sleeping :-) Grateful that both of you take out your time to celebrate with me!

Birthdate

First of all, thank you to the people who wished me. Really appreciate your wishes! School as usual today and me at my best being late for my class and today, using the birthday girl privilege as an excuse to me late for class :-) Got my second present from Diyanah, a sephora gift card. Time for more make up shopping yayz and thank chiuuuu :-*

Birthday dinner with B after that at Kiseki and as usual both of us ate until we gonna explode. Initially we wanted to have steak but oh well the restaurant got some private function :-( So, the actual birthday celebration with my loved ones were over and I can't wait for the weekends to arrive! Even though it's belated celebration but it's with my friends and cousins. Playhouse here I comeee and I hope I'm able to stay alive

One year older, one year wiser and one year prettier but still forever short :-(

This time, I don't even expect much bcoz in the end I know I will only disappoint myself... Sometimes, I think too highly of everything... I think I'm very important to you but in actual fact I'm not that important at all. No expectation = no disappointment at all rightz?

Twenty

Today mark my new phrase of my life and it's no longer a fat candle for me. From this moment onward, everything will be a new beginning for me. Stepping into young adult life, being one of the few that turn 20 first... No doubt, time really flies. I wish I could slow down time so I wouldn't turn old so fast. I can't deny age is catching up with me :-(

As usual, dinz nd' spending the very first moment of this special day with my family as well as B! And thanks B for the watch you gotten for me, really really love it a lot! :-)

1year, 12months, 365days, 8760hours, 525600minutes, 32536000seconds. Flame to dust, friends to strangers, it's funny how many things changes so fast... People who were here last year isn't here with me anymore. Don't talk about a year or a month, a day definitely will change a lot of things. Looking at the board budz did for me last year made me miss everything. It's been months since we talked and every single day without fail, I hope you come back

不知道是不是随着年纪大了 期望就变少了。生日渐渐变成一种不特别的日子。。。虽然以前生日对我来说很重要 但是现在，能跟亲爱的人和很好很好的朋友度过我就心满意足了。生日真的能看得出身边的人有多么关心你 多么在乎你

Promise

Finally, I decided to change the layout of my blog as well as did some minor editing here and there. As the new year begin, I promise that I'm gonna update this space a lil' more often compare to the past and I promise I will not lazy anymore :-(

A fresh year, a fresh start, a fresh look, a fresh new link for my lil' space right here. I never like to publicize my lil' space whenever I changed my URL it's bcoz if people care enough, or they are stalker enough they will make the effort to find out my link.

So, why wanderlust this time round? Yes, I've a very strong desire to travel around and not staying in a place for long but I don't want to do it alone and I want to travel around with the person I love the most which is B! So, I've decided to do own a personal travel journal which include all the places I'm going to go from now onward.

And I also decided to own a 365days journal so I can pen down my everyday and give it as a gift to B in 2015.

245th

It's been 8months *jump around, throw confetti* I love you

The thought of internship, I don't know why just make me think of what I wanna do after I graduate... Should I continue pursing what I wanna do since young? Should I stay in this industry? Should I apply for uni? Yes, all these questions had been stuck in my head for a period of time. And it's like if I purse my dream job what if I fail? If I stay in this industry, where and which company? If I apply for uni, where and what faculty? 

I did a lil' research on Maersk, Royal Dutch Shell, KOM, JSL as well as some oil &gas company... This are some of the companies I'm interested in joining after I graduated and I also did a lil' research on SIT and some overseas uni... How I wish I'm either very smart or very rich so I don't have to worry so much... :-(

My future seems so dark ahead of me and the thought of it, just crumbled me. Can I not grow up? Can I not plan for my future? Can I continue to not know what I want to do? Should I start on my career or continue my studies after I graduate? I'm so clueless... 

Joy

First week of school did not turn out well... As usual, skipping almost all the lectures just bcoz I don't feel like attending it. Gotten back all my CTs result and yayz bcoz I don't have retest for any module so I can rest a lil' while more :-) Attended my first UR lesson and it was really fun! :-D At least it made me understand guys a lil' more and how to work things out with them.

Braces appointment again and I'm another step closer to having perfect set of teeth. I guess I'm having braces for way too long that I can't imagine how I look like without it. Though my teeth are very stubborn but I hope it will move soon... I can't wait for the day I take off :-( 

And yknow the joy of receiving a call when you waited for very long? KEPPEL FINALLY CALLED ME FOR AN INTERVIEW!!! *jump around, throw confetti* Ok... I'm excited bcoz it's my first choice and it also reduce the chance of me getting into SMOE (located at Sembawang) I'm not saying that SMOE is not good, I'm afraid of being posted there for internship it's bcoz I've to travel and I've to wake up very early everyday and yes, pig like me how izzit possible for me to wake up early everyday when I'm having a hard time sleeping every single day?

Up till now, me and B are in better term compared to the past (don't talk about the start of 2014) maybe it's bcoz both of us somehow voice out our own opinion on things? I wish that everything will continue like that forever so we will not quarrel anymore bcoz honestly, I hate quarreling with you

thoughts

All I ever wanted was just simple things from you. All I ever wanted was just your time, your love and the attention I deserve. I'm not a robot, I'm only human and there's only so much, so much that I can handle.

You told me that I don't care and I'm not even fighting for us but you didn't know that you are the last person on this universe that ever got the rights to say all these to me bcoz I fought really hard for us, I care too much about us that it became a must for you.

If there's something to measure how tired am I, it would be fucking negative

I tried my best, I'm tired

I don't care if it's gonna break me apart and fuck my life up. All I care about is giving you the best of everything and showering you with all the love and happiness you deserve. I don't care if I'm gonna end up wound badly. I just want you to be happy that's all. I made this choice myself and I'm gonna face the consequences myself.

Please be happy

twenty-fourteen

Drafted this post sometimes back in 2013 in hope for something new in 2014. I'm not someone who will write down resolution and follow them bcoz there's always some thing that gna ruin my resolution in the end. Been super lazy to update this personal space of mine due to school work and some personal stuff

Truth to be told, I'm still trying to recuperate my heart. Yes I'm hurting, badly deep down. It hurt so badly that I just want to rot my life away... So how are you right now? Are you good? Is 2014 a fresh start for you without me by your side?

I finally found the courage to take a look of myself in the mirror and I couldn't see my strong self anymore. I became so weak that I couldn't even recognize myself. Last year, I made way too many mistakes that it became a choice. For all the mistakes I made, I'm gonna face the consequences now. So why up till now I still keep those words into my mouth? Why can't I just blunt every single thing out and let him know how hurting I am, how tired of holding everything together alone?

They said time heal all wound so let it be. I admit it's gonna take a very very long time for me to get over it. I can't guarantee that I'm gonna heal but I can only guarantee that I'm coming back stronger than before. When it comes to you, I'm never afraid but right now I'm very afraid of letting someone to break me down over and over again. Yet at the same time, I wish someone would take away all these pain of mine.

I am fine & this is just bullshit

Goodbye 2013

 

The best damn thing that ever happened to me in my life, in my year 2013

 

So this is gonna be the end of 2013? It just feels like the start of it only. Entering the new phase of my life soon and I've decided to put down all the hatred and grudges I hold in the past. 5years of hating someone, it's really tormenting but still I hope that our path will never cross again cunt.

As usual, done nothing productive for the whole year and completed none of my resolution. It's gonna be 2014, I still don't know what to do with my life...  As usual, summing up my whole year with picture but a lil' different this year because it's in slide show form :-)

谢谢你们陪我走过的每一段路 谢谢你们一直留在我身边

This is how it feels like to be in love with bestfriend

Every girl's dream is to fall in love with someone who completely understand you, who know what you love/hate in their fingertips, someone who will be there for you all the times, someone you can act silly with and someone who loves you. They are none other than your bestfriend. And I'm in love with my bestfriend, B

Being in love with B, made me realized that no one in this world will ever understand me that much, no one in this world will pamper more and no one in this world will love me more than him. He understand me at the back of his fingertip. It's like whatever he say, he can expect what I'm going to reply next. Even though he has many female friends around him, (He has more female friends compare to me) I need to admit that I do get jealous and sometimes to the stage where I envy them. But every single time, the only thing I can do is to brush everything away and pretend it doesn't affects me.

Throughout the 7months though we had quite a number of downs, but we always manage to get back to each other at the end of the day. Each quarrel made me understand him more, get a little closer to him and each quarrel made him open up himself to me even more. Yes, we do began as bestfriend but there's still certain things that you will never see it in the bestfriend position.

We always tease each other, disturb each other, bully each other, he always make me sad (bcoz I always say he got a lot of dates) and we even call each other names but at the end of the day, we both know that we don't mean it at all. I still remember 2 years back I told him before "I get jealous of any girls around you even though we are just bestfriend" hehe. He always told me that he loves me unexpectedly and to me, it's sweet. I mean like, ya he always do thing out of my expectations. Sometimes he will even surprise me with my favourite snacks too!

To me, he's the center of my world, he's my everything and I can just give up every single thing just for him, just to make sure he's happy. He will always be there for me, even though he said he doesn't care or ask me deal with my own shit sometimes but he never fail to be by my side and sometimes listening to my long-winded stories. And there's nothing for me to keep from him or hide from him bcoz he's both my lover and bestfriend that's why I always share my most inner thoughts and feelings straight up with him or even when things happened.

I never see myself being together with B in the past not bcoz he's not good. It's bcoz he's too good and I used to have the mentality that "oh well, he's just a bestfriend and he will never fall for me" I've to admit I'm very afraid of losing B and I never feel so afraid, so scared in my life before bcoz if I lose B, I lost both of lover and my bestfriend.

So, I'm really thankful for having in my life despite y'know how hard I am to be with as a bestfriend yet now as a lover

"I will search for thousands of cities, ten thousands of lifetime just to be with you again"

希望

其实我是一个很简单的人 我的要求很简单，真的真的很简单。我不要一个很有钱 长得很好看还是很聪明的人。我只是要一个对我中心，对我中肯，疼我，宠我和爱我的人。我不需要你每一天都买贵重的礼物给我，我不需要你每一天带我去吃好的或者为了我放弃一切。我只是要做你生命中唯一爱的女人，你生命中唯一的女人。难道这些要求很高嘛，很多吗？

我很努力，真的真的很努力做你理想中的女人。但是不管我多么努力 我还是觉得不够好，不够多。你要的，我通通都给了你。你的要求，我通通都给你

可是你一点都不了解

Can't believe that holiday is coming to an end and I spend like most of it wasting away, rotting my life away at home. Though this gna be my last holiday before Intern commence, but I guess I made full use of it by doing something else. I know I'm kiasu or what but then I already prepared present for valentine day :-) 

2014 is coming and there's new resolution to be made as well as a lot of things to look forward to. I'm turning 20 in less than a month time and I can't deny age is catching up with me but I will always be forever 18, young at heart right? I'm not ready for adulthood, I'm not ready to take responsibilities in everything in my life and I'm not ready for everything. I still want to be like a child, not taking responsibility in everything...

Early x'mas

Friday night spent having dinner at B's house then to zouk and town to meet Chengyee and Albert. So the 3 of us, decided to be retarded and take photos around town with the x'mas decorations. Been like months since we last meet up with each other and I don't know why there's always so many nonsense for us to talk about. The few people that stayed in my life ever since secondary three and one of them used to be my enemy, I mean I'm her enemy and she treat me as a rival instead HAHAHA oh well, this story never get old

怕的不是输了这场游戏 而是输掉你

I've been there before. I know how does it feels like to be heartless, to have nothing able to break you apart. I know how does it feels like to be stubborn, to want everything to go on your way and never back down for anyone. I know how it feels like to do things against your conscience bcoz I love myself a lot, I love myself more than anyone in the world and my love is selfish.

No matter what, I'm always on the upper hand, the dominating party. I can easily say I don't care and mean it or drop people off my life easily without giving a single fuck and not regretting after that. The feeling of doing all these is great, it feels like I am invincible as if nothing can break me. I build my walls fucking high and make sure my heart made of steel.

I spent most of my life fighting for people that's close to me only simply bcoz they matters a lot. Though I always seems like I've tons of friends but to honest, no I don't. How many of them actually can sit down and talk to me? How many of them I actually willing to hang out with? I can count them within 2 hands and even deducting 3-4 of my fingers. I don't open myself up to everyone so to many, I've a very secretive personal life. I only showed my weakness to people that's close bcoz I trust them enough not to turn their back and attack me.

After years of being the dominating party, I finally become the losing one. I break my own walls instead of people trying their best to break it down. I rather lost to this someone special and not lose him. And for once I'm not heartless, I'm not stubborn and I've my conscience. For once, I love someone more than myself, I contribute selfless love instead of selfish love, I showed my weakness willingly, even giving up every single thing. And I even change myself for him

What changes me? It's him and love. So, goodbye to the selfish me.

Freedom

 

It's finally the end of term 1 which means the end of my common test too. Out of all the semester, I think this was one of my most hardworking one. The only thing I'm hoping for now will be passing all my papers so I don't have to study again for my retest. What I really hope will be I pass killer module :-)

Honestly, I hate holiday more than I hate school days bcoz every single day I'm gna wake up thinking what I should do and where I should go. It's really troublesome thinking about all these things bcoz I hate rotting at home. Oh well, at least I can repay all my sleep debt during the holiday and sadly, it's my last holiday before intern and FYP commence :-(

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Finally catch up my hk drama though it's been teary episodes but it taught me to spend time and treasure every single one by your side especially your loved ones. Life is very fragile, and nobody can predict the future. You may never know what will happen the next moment. Maybe one of your loved ones may be gone from this world or maybe one of them will have some illness.

If my days are numbered, I'm gna have a farewell party inviting all my loved ones and also to recall every single moment together with them. I hate goodbyes especially those that you will never get to say hello again.

Press on

It's finally midweek and it means 3 papers down! Never felt so disappointed while doing my paper in my poly life. This time round it's like giving free marks to the lecturer just bcoz I forget everything once I entered the exam hall and careless mistake of not reading the question properly :-( Studied 10hours straight yesterday doesn't help at all. Now I don't even feel like studying for my last paper... It's like the toughest paper ended and there's no more energy and motivation to study

So blessed that B came down to KAP to find me while I'm studying and he sit there do nothing. He really make me wonder how he can stand me when I'm so burdensome, so naggy and so retarded every single time but still really grateful that he stayed by my side no matter what happened